One True Love
Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2006 1:44 am
This post is strictly for adults only, so any kids reading this should stop it right NOW. Are you f*****g listening to me? f**k off home you little bin lids and stop reading this f*****g thread, go to f*****g bed you little annoying wanlers. Right, now that the children have gone we can get down to the story. It’s a naughty story and is quite graphic, so any gay queers or butch feminists with stale skinheads and dungarees should also leave the thread at this point. Go on f**k off you do gooders, I don’t want private messages complaining about the shocking language and degrading subject matter involved, so it would be better if you just bailed out at this point in time. Right, that just leaves us dirty, filthy minded and depraved lads to experience this little tale of sex and wild debauchery. I hope you enjoy.
This is a little story about a lovely girl I once met while out in town on the sniff. She liked me a lot and really fancied me, and I could just about stomach her grid, so we got on like a house on fire. I chatted to her, had a laugh with her and then I took her home in a taxi and panelled her fat, stinking pussy lips until the sun came up. It was a crazy but reasonably enjoyable night of fuckmaking (brilliant for her but distinctly average for me I’m afraid, cos I’m a f*****g excellent gooser. It’s my job to satisfy the ladies with my over sized meat wand and exhilarate their vaginal pathway with my handiwork). This is a night that she will brag to all her mates about, that she’ll think about all the time and fondly remember for the rest of her worthless life. For me it was just another night on the nest, another notch on my leather Kickers belt and one that will be condemned to the annals of oblivion for ever more. I don’t remember girls like this, I move onto my next victim without so much as a glance over my cold shoulder, and I feel no remorse for my actions, because I’m a 21st century male with a great big love tool. I live for shagmaking, I’m a love them and leave them kind of guy and I quite simply enjoy pongy pussy’s. I also adore the disgusting brown area around ugly girl’s arses, the area that can for a split second look like a shít smear to the untrained eye. I enjoy inhaling the intoxicating aromas of the nether world, that distinct smell of fanny juice with a tint of yellow piss. I’m also partial to putting a big, sloppy spammy on a fat bird’s left skin bap, while stroking the dimples of her fat cellulite arse cheeks.
It all started on a cold Saturday night in November while out having a bevvy with my mates. We had a few drinks and then just staggered from bar to bar in search of some filthy slag ends to satisfy our youthful appetite for depraved sexual intercourse. I tried all the chat up lines in the book but none of them worked even slightly. All the young respectable women were wise to our pathetic advances and snubbed us in favour of handsome dorks with a bit of dough and a stupid funky haircut. All too often I’m overlooked in favour of these complete gasbags who are little pretty boys with ridiculous hip clobber, fashionable stubble and sun bed tans. I’m f*****g sick to death of some student looking bell-whiff taking all the ladies, so I did something about it, I made a stand. I decided that I wasn’t gonna be nice to the girls anymore as this gets you nowhere. I concluded that I shall treat them for what they are, rancid little shag fuckers who crave some meaty cock action. I then went off to a nightclub at about 12 o’clock to test my new technique and hopefully reap the rewards for being an absolute prick. I entered, and before I even had a drink in my hand I bounced over to the first little stunner I saw and said “Hello you cockwhore, would you like me to curl my little sex stick firmly and repeatedly up your tuna tube?” Amazingly she told me to f**k off or she’d get the bouncers to demolish my face with their kneecaps. I was as shocked with the response as you are, believe me. How could the slimy sexbag turn down that generous offer? It was as though she didn’t want to be treated like that (she was quite a good actor, really convincing). The new method was obviously having a few teething problems but I wasn’t gonna let this put me off. I got a drink and waited a few minutes before I spotted my next target shaking her little tight arse on the dance floor. I confidently approached her and got her attention by slapping her left bum cheek. She spun around shocked and I shouted down her lughole “Would you enjoy it much if I inserted my robust and virile sex flump into your haddock smelling sex crevice?” She laughed uncomfortably and turned away. I patted her on the shoulder and said “what’s the matter? Don’t you want me to crush your guts with some brutal, bollock deep penile penetration?” She went to the toilet and never came back. The f*****g beautiful little skunk pussy t**t. It was useless, they were all pretending to be nice girls, and they were acting as though my questions offended their delicate nature. I could see right through them, I knew they were all filthy slut tarts, but they were putting on an act in front of other people. If only I could get one of the girls on her own with nobody else around, I knew I could pull one of them. Seeing as though the good looking girls were pretending not to like me I decided to lower my standards and go for a fat plumper with ginger hair and pale white skin. I spotted the perfect specimen standing alone, wolfing an extra large kebab outside the burger bar. I strolled over to her and said in a whimsical fashion “slow down you fat ugly cnút, you’ve got all night to force food down your disgusting gullet, you ginger headed scruff monkey” She became quite defensive and put her hand protectively in front of her grub and snarled at me angrily. I reassured her that I didn’t want to deprive her of her much needed scran and that I merely wanted to “lick her hairy salmon paste smelling skin folds and pleasure her bile inducing clitoris” She relaxed her guard and even almost offered me a bite. She was well up for it and she wasn’t shy in admitting it. “Do you wanna shag me?” she enquired, “if it’s not too much f*****g hassle” I retorted. She smiled (with half of a chicken lodged in her furry yellow gnashers) and gave me a little wink. I said “get your chunky fat arse in that f*****g taxi right now or I’ll bladder you all over the street without a moment’s hesitation”. She knew I wasn’t kidding and shifted her morbid gut like her kebab depended on it. I knew it; they love being treated like animals. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was the smelliest, ugliest, fattest, mongiest looking bird in the whole world, it was my charm and honesty that won her over. She was sick of cheesy, cringe worthy chat up lines, and was finally relieved to meet someone who told it like it was, who treated her for what she was worth, who spoke poetically to her as though she was a fat piece of f*****g dogshit. I was in and I sloped off from my mates on the sly and turned my phone off quickly. We got in the taxi and left the shameless, drunken pricks of Liverpool to fight and argue amongst themselves. I looked out of the back window and saw them all fade into the distance; disappear into a haze of obscurity, all sadly destined to drown in the gloomy ocean of oblivion. There was only one thing on my sordid little mind, I was gonna pollute this fat c***s birth canal with my disease ridden flesh column. She was gonna get fed a good meal of sponk and chips, and she was gonna f*****g enjoy it as well, the smelly, grease ball, grok faced, mong kited, bellneck cnút. Oh yes, she was gonna f*****g enjoy it alright, the cock hungry excuse for a human being.
The journey home was quite an eventful one. She polished off her kebab in no time at all, screwed up the paper into a little ball and headed it out of the taxi window. She then turned to me and spluttered “I’m off me f*****g cake yer know lad, I’ve had five Gary’s and I’m rotten drunk as well kidder. I’m dead mad me yer know lad, all me mates say I’m f*****g crazy like yer know”. I said “I’m really impressed with your golden personality you weird looking heffa, your dad must be so proud of you and your oddly shaped body. Now can you please stop breathing in my direction because your breath smells like raw shite and its making my stomach want to throw vomit all over your ginger muzzy, you gozzy looking shít heel”. I think she got the message because shut her fat slobbering mouth for a few minutes, and looked slightly offended by my brutally honest remarks. We sat in silence (worryingly watching the fare meter going up and up by the seconds). Then suddenly I hear a long and very loud noise, a kind of rumbling type sound. I turned to her and she had a big wonky smile on her kipper, her jaw chewing the skin off the inside of her mouth (one of the bonuses of 5 tablets). She said “I’ve just farted lad and it f*****g stinks”. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This slob had absolutely no shame whatsoever and started wafting her putrid, boiled egg smelling gas towards my baulking nostrils. My nose couldn’t believe what it was smelling. My nose was f*****g traumatised and was thinking about going to the doctors for a panel note. My eyes started watering and I saw the taxi driver discreetly winding his window down to let this beefcakes putrid fart escape into the night air. She said “Lad, that was a hot one, it burned my arsehole on the way out”. The taxi driver looked in his rear-view mirror in disgust, hardly able to believe that there was actually a human being so repulsive, so stomach churning as the flabby beast sitting beside me. I wanted to f*****g smash her nose across her ugly head with a sweet left jab. I wanted to get her in a headlock and choke the smelly breath from her fat windpipe, if only to stop the slurred words from coming out of her burger hole. I said “that immoral fart has knocked my stomach sick. It has smashed my f*****g head in. You make my bile want to climb out of my gut and spill onto the floor, you subhuman, dirty necked piece of horse shít”, she just laughed as though it was perfectly normal behaviour. I started to question my sanity, wondering whether or not I was in a normal frame of mind. How could I be taking this ginger bullneck back to the home of my parents? The place where my family will be soundly sleeping in their warm and comfortable beds? After some contemplation I decided that I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t take this lard arse back to my house; I couldn’t let her be in the same place as my mum and dad (it wouldn’t be fair. Plus she would probably wake them up with her insensitively gruff voice or with a loud, boiled egg smelling fart). I forcefully growled “we’re going back to yours you blimp. I’m not taking your belly to within 300 yards of my house, you annoying quegg. Don’t even bother protesting or I’ll punch you full force in the belly button and make you spew up on the floor, you gormless wanler”. She nodded in agreement and then burped (which smelled of corned beef mixed with a small amount of sulphur). I gave the driver the new address (after she’d mumbled it to me) and he took us straight there (the long way around).
We pulled up outside her house in the middle of a scumbag looking street. She paid the fare of £22.75 with her hard earned Giro money and we stepped out onto the street (I wasn’t paying a score in order to bumfuck some scruffy shitehawk. I’d have gone down Netherfield Rd if I wanted to pay to abuse an ugly, bent nosed scag fiend. f**k that, she was paying for the privilege of pulling a young, handsome gooser, with 7 inches of pandemonium tucked inside his slacks). Her house was revolting, with dirty net curtains hanging loosely in the wooden framed windows, a garden full of overgrown weeds and rubbish, and a brown front door which was in desperate need of a good varnishing. One of the windows in the door was boarded up (no doubt from some sort of domestic disturbance that scruffs are always involved in) and the garden fence was leaning heavily to one side. I asked “is there anybody in?” to which she replied “only my mum and dad lad, my two brothers are in jug for screwing people’s kens. They’re innocent yer know, the bizzies proper set them up lad”. I said “f*****g get into the slum before anybody sees us together, I’ve got a moderate reputation to uphold and being seen with you will demolish it forever”. She put the key into the hole and turned it, quietly opening the door with her scabby, flaky hands. The smell of warm grease smashed me in the face like a baseball bat, knocking my head back sharply and deeply offending my sense of smell. I could hardly breathe as we walked into the ‘living’ room and sat down on the old musty smelling brown couch, which was collapsed in the middle (no doubt where she sat to eat her teas). She offered me a drink but I told her to bang her beverage up her f*****g arse and to stop stalling the inevitable pounding session. She then said “let’s go upstairs yer little killer and make passionate love to each other”. I said “you can kid yourself all you want, thinking it’s gonna be love making, but I’m just going to give you insane pain with my long blue vein. I’m going to hammer your battered hymen into submission and make your hairy log flume beg for its f*****g stinking little life”. I then grabbed her by her fluffy, tatty hair piece and shouted “get up them f*****g stairs right now you smelly dooshbag, I’m going to f*****g cripple your vagina with my warm erection you deadbeat. I’m gonna cave the walls of your uterus in and make you beg for mercy, you beak sniffing, tablet munching stink bomb. Get up them f*****g stairs NOW, you baggy arseholed beaver or I’ll bend my cock up your winking brown eye without any Vaseline or spit” She wobbled up the stairs immediately and ran straight into the bedroom, switching on the light as she went.
The fat redhead sat on the edge of the bed with her hands on her chubby knees. She seemed to be sobering up a bit now and was more mellow and less of an annoying, loud mouthed wanler as she was before (although still stomach turningly nauseating). I sat down next to her and put my hand on her thigh and gently rubbed it up and down. It was all soft, squishy and wobbly like a fat, pale flesh coloured jelly. My belly starting doing forward rolls and cartwheels and I could feel the contents of my stomach waiting to come up my windpipe and spew all over her threadbare cord carpet. At that moment I just wanted to go home and go to sleep, to forget about the whole night and just act like it never happened. I was about to do just that when all of a sudden my penis shouted “you’re a little homo and you fancy boys bums. If you don’t shag this fat tank then you’re deffo a quegg, you’re deffo a filthy little quilt”. I couldn’t have my manhood called into question like that, especially not by a little nob like him, so I stayed. Believe me, when your cock speaks you have to f*****g listen to him, there is no disobeying the little Caucasian pepperami. I was thinking with the wrong head. I thought “if I’m gonna do this at all then I’m gonna do it f*****g properly, I’m going to go hell for f*****g leather on this bitch’s arse”, and regrettably I did. I spared no expense whatsoever and lost all my loosely maintained inhibitions, pumping that pregnant pussy like there was no twattin tomorrow.
I made my move, leaning over and putting my hand on her shoulder. She turned her meathead towards me and leaned her fat face into mine, bringing her lips into contact with my own. She started to what can only be described as “neck the f*****g face off me”, not giving me a chance to breathe as she covered half my head with her slimy noise hole. Her tongue rolled around and around in my mouth in a clockwise direction and I could feel all the veins and lumps in her dry and smelly tongue. I could taste her halitosis breath as we necked like f*****g wools in a theme park, trying to hold my own breath so as to lessen the effect of the dense smog passing from her grid into mine. Her eyes were closed and she was loving it, mine were wide open looking at her ginger eyebrows close up, trying desperately not to pyeng down her gullet. Her mouth was starting to slide half way across my mush, almost soaking my ear with her vinegar smelling saliva (that smell that you get when you lick your hand and smell it). I wanted to stop kissing her so badly that I pretended to cough just to break it up. I pushed her down onto her back and leaned over her like a smutty rapist, breathing heavily and looking into her fat eyes. I’d had enough of the childish necking and so made a grab for her chubbers. I put my hand up her top and slipped it inside her sports bra, grabbing a handful of saggy man boob. Fat birds always disappoint me because I expect them to have massive tagues that are in proportion to their morbid gut, but they are always just little pointy things that sit off on their hairy chests. Their belly sticks out more than their floppers for fucks sake. They were just little lumps of dough that had those big horrible red nipples, a few pubes around the little circle of tít pimples, and lots of blue varacous veins. I couldn’t believe it. The only positive thing I expect from a fatty is for her to have big giant whoppers, but no, she couldn’t even do that right. She had to have little devious, deceitful and very misleading vinegar títs. It’s f*****g false advertising in my opinion. If they’re fat then they give out the impression that their love bags are also fat (and it’s only logical to think this as a man), but they’re not, they’re just little saggy beanbags that look like fat pecs. I started to massage her little jam doughnuts in an anti clockwise direction, tweaking the nipples with my thumb and forefinger every so often to add a bit of variety. She started to breath heavier and gave out little moans and groans of excited pleasure (I thought it was her stomach rumbling at first), but I said “why the f**k are you acting like you’re enjoying me rubbing your water balloons? You know that it does f**k all and that you get no pleasure from it whatsoever, so f*****g pack it in you carrot topped gasbag”. I pulled her top off over her giant head, stretching the neck hole as I did so. She just lay there like a sack of King Eddie’s spuds, looking at me observantly, wondering what the f**k I was going to do next. I closed my eyes and went in for the tít sucking routine. I lowered my head towards her witch tít and put the red nipple in my mouth, darting my tongue in and out quickly to make it interesting. Her funbag tasted like Paxo stuffing and I could feel one of her brownish nipple hairs tickling my upper lip. She didn’t really seem to be enjoying it very much so I decided to jib it, seeing as though it gives the man absolutely no pleasure whatsoever anyway. What’s the point of foreplay anyway? Foreplay is a f*****g selfish idea anyway, designed to excite the woman and make her feel good etc, while the man works his bollocks of to please her. Where is the benefit of foreplay to the man? Because getting your cock sucked is definitely not foreplay, that’s the main f*****g event as far as I’m concerned. Girls kissing my neck and rubbing my chest is of no interest to me, I just want them to suck the white gear out of my ballsack, or create an air tight cavity by squeezing my hotrod up their sweaty quim. Foreplay was probably an idea dreamed up by feminist lesbians with pierced eyebrows, in order to heighten the woman’s enjoyment with a direct correlation to decreasing the man’s. Its equal rights gone mad, political correctness gone berserk and women getting too big for their own f*****g boots. I say f**k the woman’s orgasm, who gives a f**k? Let them worry about that themselves, why should we worry about something that has no discernable benefits for ourselves? If they want an orgasm they can flick the runner bean when we’ve gone to sleep, the f*****g thoughtless and selfish, insensitive bastards. But seeing as though I was gonna do the job properly I decided that I give her a little bit of oral pleasure. I was gonna kiss the rotten sardine, lick the prawn cocktail starter and eat out at the Red Lobster for dinner. Mmmm, skanky smelling pissfish for breakfast, there’s nothing better than a ginger pube butty as a good snack is there?
I pulled her green Kappa tracky bottoms and her skiddy knickers down to her flabby ankles and then had a bit of trouble getting them off over her leather Chelsea boots, but I managed it in the end. I held my breath and went in for the kill; moistening my lips as I went, in order to then moisten her bacon fries looking lips soon after. She stunk of cockles and her dirty clit looked like a cockle as well, a small browny black budgie claw that was pungent and abysmal. It was hidden beneath a 70’s style porno bush that looked like a ginger Brillo pad, all wiry like fishing wire. It looked like a cheap scouring pad glued onto her vaggie, a rusted wire mesh creation that was sickening and obscene. Up close it looked a bit like Gordon Strachan with a beard, no teeth and overpowering crab stick breath, but it wasn’t quirky and funny at all, just dismal. I licked her lips for a good 15 minutes, sliding my tensed up tongue up her hollow hole and nibbling on her clitoris like it was a little ginger peanut. It was an oval opening of repellent odours, a gummy mouth with f*****g terrible hairy breath. My jaw started hurting and my lips had gone numb from repeating the same monotonous motions over and over for a quarter of an hour. I thought I’d never eat shellfish again after this, but I was wrong, I love to plate filthy fanny’s too much to give it up for good, it was just a knee jerk reaction. She was moaning with ecstasy as I necked the f*****g box off her, screaming with delight and scratching my head with her dirty fingernails. Her pubes were tickling my nose and almost making me sneeze, but I carried on like a real trooper. Around the actual opening of her tube it was quite stubbly, like a five o’clock shadow or a teenager’s scruffy, undeveloped muzzy (this is where she had gotten the clippers out for a bit of a number nought skinhead I think). I was still fully clothed while doing this, so it must have seemed a bit strange for her to be lying there stark bollock naked and me still with my hat, coat and gloves on, but f**k what she thought, I hated her f*****g guts.
I got very bored of eating out her stinking, sewer smelling sex crack, so I thought it was time for my turn. She had been given enough pleasure for now, so it was my time to feel jubilant, my time for a bit of oral pleasure. I pulled down my kecks, grabbed hold of my fat love piece and said romantically “eat that fleshy cock; eat it all hungrily you dirty horror bag. Force it down your gullet you cock eating whore faced scrubber. Slobber all over it and suck the f*****g root off me now”. She duly obliged and gobbled my cock like it was a giant liver sausage; she thought it was breakfast come early for her fat, white obese stomach. She sucked and munched on my penile erection for about ten minutes and then suddenly stopped, looked up at me with her gozzy eye and whispered “talk dirty to me, treat me like a filthy dog in the street lad”. I wasn’t gonna pass up this golden opportunity to dole out a little bit more abuse to the overweight retard, so I looked at her straight in the eyes and roared “smoke my penis as though it’s a big fat Cuban cigar, take a big pull, suck him dry you cocksucking filth monger. Lick the cheese off his bulbous head and polish the tip, tell me you enjoy it or I’ll pick you up over my head and throw you violently at the wall”. I think she meant something more along the lines of calling her a “naughty girl” or a “a filthy bitch”, but f**k it, she got what she deserved, what she was f*****g worth. “Spit your saliva on my balls and suck it off so it feels quite lovely. Swallow my whole chicken drumstick and give yourself a pube muzzy, smell my pubic area in the process you f*****g slutty gobbler”, I was starting to enjoy myself at last, coming into my element at just the right time. Getting your banana sucked is a pleasurable experience no matter who it is doing it (except another man of course, or your ma), but I just couldn’t get past the fact that I was getting deep throat off an ugly Paul Scholes look-alike (but with shorter hair and a hairier plum sack). I decided to get her to do something unusual, so I made an innocent request. I asked “Can you please now lick the area in between my scrogg and my arsehole; I like to call it my barse. Lick it with your tongue and sniff my sweaty meatballs in the process. I’m not hating this experience at the moment, but don’t spoil it by not doing as I f*****g tell you to. Neck my f*****g arsehole or I’ll beat you up badly, I’ll really beat on you, you fat selfish gashead”. She did as she was told and gave my underside a bit of a spammy. It was enjoyable for about 20 seconds until I heard the slopping noises of her fat, smelly mouth. I rammed it back into her windpipe instead. My shaft almost went completely limp biscuit a couple of times during the gobble and I had to take it out of her mouth and smack her on the forehead with it a few times just to bring him back to life. He was falling asleep with the boredom and needed something with a bit more action to wake him up properly. He needed to get himself some sexual penetration to sort his head out, and he needed it f*****g fast.
I whipped off the rest of my clobber to reveal my unbelievable body to the cock fiend, my rippling six pack and perfect pecs were a sight to behold, and she was gonna get some hot thrusting shagfucking from me, she was a very lucky yet hideous looking nobend. I grabbed her flabby wide hips with both hands and pulled her towards my penis pillar. I parted her chubby bacon rashers and slowly fed her the whole length of my erratic erection, adding a little brute force at the end just to ram the big fella home. She was gonna get some crazy coitus, some chaotic copulation to remember me by that was for sure. She looked a little nervous so I told her to “just close your eyes and imagine it’s your arl fella smashing your ma’s pork scratching all over the bedroom. You’ll enjoy it more that way, I promise you”. She seemed shocked by the suggestion but never actually said anything to me, so I assumed she didn’t mind the disturbing advice. I continued to plough my anorexic Cumberland deep into her hairy furrow, ramming it up her warm and slimy penis receptacle with a thug like force. She looked to be in a bit of pain but it wasn’t her who nearly snapped her banjo when the cock slipped out and then missed the hole on the way back in was it? It wasn’t her who nearly snapped her flesh bat in f*****g half was it? No it f*****g wasn’t. She had one of them red and sore looking fanny’s, like all ginger slags probably have. A beaver that looked like it had been punched all over the place during some domestic violence. But I quite liked it in the end. It made my penis feel enriched and special. He was enjoying his time on the nest and was hungry for some more.
I wanted to change position now, to make her lazy bulk do some of the work, so I told her to get her flumpy arse on top (but not to crush me with her stoutly frame). I told the baggy boxed bastard to “ride my warm erection, ride his big head and make him feel decent. Make him want to spit sticky white gear out the top of his weird shaped bullhead you slobby mess”. She sat astride my tower of sexual pleasuredom and loved it immensely, squealing like a fat pig and dripping sloppy pussy juice all over my love plums. She was just a big sweaty, copper topped dickhead giving my berserk sex bone some proper welly. My delirious d**k was having the time of his little life, giving it the bifters for England; he was a little star in his own right. My demented, dildo shaped
appendage was on cruise control, pounding away at the loose, greasy lips of a disgusting lard arsed bellwhiff. The slapping noises were getting louder, her fat cheeks spanking my upper thighs with excitement. Her foul, stench ridden plughole (lubricated with fish oil love grease) was swallowing my pecker hungrily, like it was an all you can eat buffet. I was just lying there with my eyes closed, desperately trying to picture someone who was even remotely attractive to my tastes. I was just trying to keep the little fella hard, making sure he got what he came for. My mind was already at home tucked up in bed, but the love carrot was just trying to get the job finished, so he could return home to join me. She started to rock back and forth, attempting to be sexy but failing miserably. Her fat, wrinkled and overweight midriff was wobbling from side to side hypnotically, almost brainwashing my senses. It would have been beautiful if it wasn’t the most revolting sight on planet earth. My green stomach bile was getting ready for a day trip; it was ready to go sight seeing around her bedroom floor. I suddenly baulked and was ready to spew some vomit all over her disappointing tagues, my eyes heavily watering, blurring my vision (which could only be a f*****g good thing). I pushed her flaccid and out of condition body backwards onto the foot of the bed. I needed a break from this hell, I needed to compose myself and gather my faltering senses. I went to the repellent bathroom to swill my face and have a little bit of sick into the shít stained bog. I seriously considered walking straight out of the house and going home to just have a wánk, but something kept me there, some unusual force wouldn’t let me leave (it was her, the fat t**t holding my hand like a f*****g clamp, she wouldn’t leave me alone or let me out of her sight). I was trapped, I would have to go back in and finish my work, my punishment for being horny in the first place.
I had to just remain focused and block her face from my mind. There was only one way to get rid of her disfigured face, and that was to shag her right up the f*****g arse, roughly and violently from behind. I followed her back into the bedroom (trying not to look at her pasty looking legs or flabby, hairy back). She grabbed my hand and started to gently pull me onto the bed to continue our depressing intercourse. I said “what the f**k are you doing you hefty mong? Get your corpulent arse bent over the edge of that bed because I’m going to defile your dirty plop hole for a while”. She looked reluctant, but my clenched fist and serious looking stare put paid to any hesitation, and she lay face forward on the bed (with her knees on the floor). If I was gonna spew my load that night, I was gonna do it as a result of having my d**k up her anal pipe work. I grabbed two handfuls of pale, greyish arse flesh and pulled it to either side of her chocolate coloured sheriffs’ badge. I saw that insulting brown area that surrounds the arsehole of unsightly birds, the rusty looking discolouration that can sometimes make your eyes feel deeply offended. She had ginger arse hairs all around her forbidden hole and I just imagined them to smell like shite, filthy arse fluff with dried on shite. It made me feel sick but I continued anyway. I was worried that her chunky arse would be too fat for me to get my hotrod all the way in, for me to slip her the full benefit of an inverted shít, the full pleasure of my loony length. I needn’t have been concerned; it slid up there like a treat, a big fat meat treat. I continued with the dirty talk and hinted “guide my penis pipe into your tight shít funnel; put it all inside your body, slot it right up the large intestine you scruffy bastard”. She did the reach behind and grabbed hold of the pork lunacy, and shoved it right up her stinkin sphincter, moaning with pain as it went up dryly. I was walloping the small hole that had disgusting shít breath and no teeth, a goofy arse tube with halitosis. Why is it that girls arse holes really appeal to you when you’re horned up and dying for a shag, but when you’ve finished it’s just a tight hose that skanky woman poo is squeezed out of? Anyway, I was banging frantically at the old dirt track, I started doing it rough like a rape scene from a film (short hard thrusts that make their heads move dead fast up and down, and makes their ring piece feel abused). I shouted angrily “Who’s gonna help you now eh? Who’s gonna help get this beast of a cock out of your turd tunnel? Nobody that’s the f*****g answer. Push back hard so it makes some squishy noises you wanler, push back so it goes in dead far up. I enjoy the way your arse makes my sex piece feel exuberant, he feels privileged and thanks your anus for its hospitality”. My little dynamo d**k was the bane of her pain, and I was relishing the bum fun I was dishing out to the fat welt. She said that her knees were starting to hurt, so I sighed and ordered her to “bend over the dressing table please, cos I’m going to do a run up and hammer my little hard-on right up your fluffy shít door. Spread them wide darling and prepare for some rectal rape sensations”. I f*****g wellied the arse off her and had her screaming with pleasure/pain (I didn’t care), and was rhythmically telling her to “shut your scran pipe” as I smashed each violent stroke home. I was coming very close to the money shot and so pulled my cock out of her plop chute and told her to turn onto her back. I roared “do you mind if I spray some white gunk all over your bushy pubes? It’s only from my scrogg; it’ll be sound as a pound love. You’ll have rock hard pyabs for a bit but it’ll be well worth the effort you disgustingly smelly trampoline”. She stayed silent so I just exploded my walnut bag all over her retarded stomach folds and all over her ginger Brillo pad. As soon as the white gear came out of my tightened ball sack I felt depressed and dirty.
She lay there with drying love sponk all over her naked mess of a body, with a big satisfied smile on her face. I sat there with my head in my hands nearly crying at what I’d done. How could I have gone through with this? Why did I even consider it at all? At that moment in time I wouldn’t have cared if I never got to scragg another bird in my entire life, I just wanted to be happy again. I felt filthy and just wanted to jump in the shower and wash the whole experience away, to rid my flesh of this blobby, overweight, under-conditioned excuse for a human being. She started talking to me again. Oh God how I wished she wouldn’t bore me and angry me with her pointless drivel. I wanted her to go away, to leave me in peace with my suicidal tendencies and psychotic thoughts. I just stood up, put on my clothes and said “I’m going home now. Don’t even speak to me you annoying gobshite, just stay where you are and shut the f**k up. I’m leaving right now and never coming back to this miserable, wretched shít hole for as long as I ‘live’, so take one last look at the lad you aren’t even close to being good enough for”. She started crying pitiful tears onto her beef burger funbags in an attempt to make me feel guilty. I told her to “lose some weight and have a bit of f*****g pride, you smelly, hairy grease ball”. I walked out of the bedroom and slammed the door as I did so. I got a taxi home and cried myself to sleep with depression. I woke up the next day with a stonking big rod on and thought “If that beast was lying next to me now I’d shag the living daylights out of her”. How quickly my desires had changed. I’d f*****g shag anything at any time; it’s just the way I am. I’ll regret it for a few hours, but the morning brings new optimism and new found happiness.
This is a little story about a lovely girl I once met while out in town on the sniff. She liked me a lot and really fancied me, and I could just about stomach her grid, so we got on like a house on fire. I chatted to her, had a laugh with her and then I took her home in a taxi and panelled her fat, stinking pussy lips until the sun came up. It was a crazy but reasonably enjoyable night of fuckmaking (brilliant for her but distinctly average for me I’m afraid, cos I’m a f*****g excellent gooser. It’s my job to satisfy the ladies with my over sized meat wand and exhilarate their vaginal pathway with my handiwork). This is a night that she will brag to all her mates about, that she’ll think about all the time and fondly remember for the rest of her worthless life. For me it was just another night on the nest, another notch on my leather Kickers belt and one that will be condemned to the annals of oblivion for ever more. I don’t remember girls like this, I move onto my next victim without so much as a glance over my cold shoulder, and I feel no remorse for my actions, because I’m a 21st century male with a great big love tool. I live for shagmaking, I’m a love them and leave them kind of guy and I quite simply enjoy pongy pussy’s. I also adore the disgusting brown area around ugly girl’s arses, the area that can for a split second look like a shít smear to the untrained eye. I enjoy inhaling the intoxicating aromas of the nether world, that distinct smell of fanny juice with a tint of yellow piss. I’m also partial to putting a big, sloppy spammy on a fat bird’s left skin bap, while stroking the dimples of her fat cellulite arse cheeks.
It all started on a cold Saturday night in November while out having a bevvy with my mates. We had a few drinks and then just staggered from bar to bar in search of some filthy slag ends to satisfy our youthful appetite for depraved sexual intercourse. I tried all the chat up lines in the book but none of them worked even slightly. All the young respectable women were wise to our pathetic advances and snubbed us in favour of handsome dorks with a bit of dough and a stupid funky haircut. All too often I’m overlooked in favour of these complete gasbags who are little pretty boys with ridiculous hip clobber, fashionable stubble and sun bed tans. I’m f*****g sick to death of some student looking bell-whiff taking all the ladies, so I did something about it, I made a stand. I decided that I wasn’t gonna be nice to the girls anymore as this gets you nowhere. I concluded that I shall treat them for what they are, rancid little shag fuckers who crave some meaty cock action. I then went off to a nightclub at about 12 o’clock to test my new technique and hopefully reap the rewards for being an absolute prick. I entered, and before I even had a drink in my hand I bounced over to the first little stunner I saw and said “Hello you cockwhore, would you like me to curl my little sex stick firmly and repeatedly up your tuna tube?” Amazingly she told me to f**k off or she’d get the bouncers to demolish my face with their kneecaps. I was as shocked with the response as you are, believe me. How could the slimy sexbag turn down that generous offer? It was as though she didn’t want to be treated like that (she was quite a good actor, really convincing). The new method was obviously having a few teething problems but I wasn’t gonna let this put me off. I got a drink and waited a few minutes before I spotted my next target shaking her little tight arse on the dance floor. I confidently approached her and got her attention by slapping her left bum cheek. She spun around shocked and I shouted down her lughole “Would you enjoy it much if I inserted my robust and virile sex flump into your haddock smelling sex crevice?” She laughed uncomfortably and turned away. I patted her on the shoulder and said “what’s the matter? Don’t you want me to crush your guts with some brutal, bollock deep penile penetration?” She went to the toilet and never came back. The f*****g beautiful little skunk pussy t**t. It was useless, they were all pretending to be nice girls, and they were acting as though my questions offended their delicate nature. I could see right through them, I knew they were all filthy slut tarts, but they were putting on an act in front of other people. If only I could get one of the girls on her own with nobody else around, I knew I could pull one of them. Seeing as though the good looking girls were pretending not to like me I decided to lower my standards and go for a fat plumper with ginger hair and pale white skin. I spotted the perfect specimen standing alone, wolfing an extra large kebab outside the burger bar. I strolled over to her and said in a whimsical fashion “slow down you fat ugly cnút, you’ve got all night to force food down your disgusting gullet, you ginger headed scruff monkey” She became quite defensive and put her hand protectively in front of her grub and snarled at me angrily. I reassured her that I didn’t want to deprive her of her much needed scran and that I merely wanted to “lick her hairy salmon paste smelling skin folds and pleasure her bile inducing clitoris” She relaxed her guard and even almost offered me a bite. She was well up for it and she wasn’t shy in admitting it. “Do you wanna shag me?” she enquired, “if it’s not too much f*****g hassle” I retorted. She smiled (with half of a chicken lodged in her furry yellow gnashers) and gave me a little wink. I said “get your chunky fat arse in that f*****g taxi right now or I’ll bladder you all over the street without a moment’s hesitation”. She knew I wasn’t kidding and shifted her morbid gut like her kebab depended on it. I knew it; they love being treated like animals. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was the smelliest, ugliest, fattest, mongiest looking bird in the whole world, it was my charm and honesty that won her over. She was sick of cheesy, cringe worthy chat up lines, and was finally relieved to meet someone who told it like it was, who treated her for what she was worth, who spoke poetically to her as though she was a fat piece of f*****g dogshit. I was in and I sloped off from my mates on the sly and turned my phone off quickly. We got in the taxi and left the shameless, drunken pricks of Liverpool to fight and argue amongst themselves. I looked out of the back window and saw them all fade into the distance; disappear into a haze of obscurity, all sadly destined to drown in the gloomy ocean of oblivion. There was only one thing on my sordid little mind, I was gonna pollute this fat c***s birth canal with my disease ridden flesh column. She was gonna get fed a good meal of sponk and chips, and she was gonna f*****g enjoy it as well, the smelly, grease ball, grok faced, mong kited, bellneck cnút. Oh yes, she was gonna f*****g enjoy it alright, the cock hungry excuse for a human being.
The journey home was quite an eventful one. She polished off her kebab in no time at all, screwed up the paper into a little ball and headed it out of the taxi window. She then turned to me and spluttered “I’m off me f*****g cake yer know lad, I’ve had five Gary’s and I’m rotten drunk as well kidder. I’m dead mad me yer know lad, all me mates say I’m f*****g crazy like yer know”. I said “I’m really impressed with your golden personality you weird looking heffa, your dad must be so proud of you and your oddly shaped body. Now can you please stop breathing in my direction because your breath smells like raw shite and its making my stomach want to throw vomit all over your ginger muzzy, you gozzy looking shít heel”. I think she got the message because shut her fat slobbering mouth for a few minutes, and looked slightly offended by my brutally honest remarks. We sat in silence (worryingly watching the fare meter going up and up by the seconds). Then suddenly I hear a long and very loud noise, a kind of rumbling type sound. I turned to her and she had a big wonky smile on her kipper, her jaw chewing the skin off the inside of her mouth (one of the bonuses of 5 tablets). She said “I’ve just farted lad and it f*****g stinks”. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This slob had absolutely no shame whatsoever and started wafting her putrid, boiled egg smelling gas towards my baulking nostrils. My nose couldn’t believe what it was smelling. My nose was f*****g traumatised and was thinking about going to the doctors for a panel note. My eyes started watering and I saw the taxi driver discreetly winding his window down to let this beefcakes putrid fart escape into the night air. She said “Lad, that was a hot one, it burned my arsehole on the way out”. The taxi driver looked in his rear-view mirror in disgust, hardly able to believe that there was actually a human being so repulsive, so stomach churning as the flabby beast sitting beside me. I wanted to f*****g smash her nose across her ugly head with a sweet left jab. I wanted to get her in a headlock and choke the smelly breath from her fat windpipe, if only to stop the slurred words from coming out of her burger hole. I said “that immoral fart has knocked my stomach sick. It has smashed my f*****g head in. You make my bile want to climb out of my gut and spill onto the floor, you subhuman, dirty necked piece of horse shít”, she just laughed as though it was perfectly normal behaviour. I started to question my sanity, wondering whether or not I was in a normal frame of mind. How could I be taking this ginger bullneck back to the home of my parents? The place where my family will be soundly sleeping in their warm and comfortable beds? After some contemplation I decided that I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t take this lard arse back to my house; I couldn’t let her be in the same place as my mum and dad (it wouldn’t be fair. Plus she would probably wake them up with her insensitively gruff voice or with a loud, boiled egg smelling fart). I forcefully growled “we’re going back to yours you blimp. I’m not taking your belly to within 300 yards of my house, you annoying quegg. Don’t even bother protesting or I’ll punch you full force in the belly button and make you spew up on the floor, you gormless wanler”. She nodded in agreement and then burped (which smelled of corned beef mixed with a small amount of sulphur). I gave the driver the new address (after she’d mumbled it to me) and he took us straight there (the long way around).
We pulled up outside her house in the middle of a scumbag looking street. She paid the fare of £22.75 with her hard earned Giro money and we stepped out onto the street (I wasn’t paying a score in order to bumfuck some scruffy shitehawk. I’d have gone down Netherfield Rd if I wanted to pay to abuse an ugly, bent nosed scag fiend. f**k that, she was paying for the privilege of pulling a young, handsome gooser, with 7 inches of pandemonium tucked inside his slacks). Her house was revolting, with dirty net curtains hanging loosely in the wooden framed windows, a garden full of overgrown weeds and rubbish, and a brown front door which was in desperate need of a good varnishing. One of the windows in the door was boarded up (no doubt from some sort of domestic disturbance that scruffs are always involved in) and the garden fence was leaning heavily to one side. I asked “is there anybody in?” to which she replied “only my mum and dad lad, my two brothers are in jug for screwing people’s kens. They’re innocent yer know, the bizzies proper set them up lad”. I said “f*****g get into the slum before anybody sees us together, I’ve got a moderate reputation to uphold and being seen with you will demolish it forever”. She put the key into the hole and turned it, quietly opening the door with her scabby, flaky hands. The smell of warm grease smashed me in the face like a baseball bat, knocking my head back sharply and deeply offending my sense of smell. I could hardly breathe as we walked into the ‘living’ room and sat down on the old musty smelling brown couch, which was collapsed in the middle (no doubt where she sat to eat her teas). She offered me a drink but I told her to bang her beverage up her f*****g arse and to stop stalling the inevitable pounding session. She then said “let’s go upstairs yer little killer and make passionate love to each other”. I said “you can kid yourself all you want, thinking it’s gonna be love making, but I’m just going to give you insane pain with my long blue vein. I’m going to hammer your battered hymen into submission and make your hairy log flume beg for its f*****g stinking little life”. I then grabbed her by her fluffy, tatty hair piece and shouted “get up them f*****g stairs right now you smelly dooshbag, I’m going to f*****g cripple your vagina with my warm erection you deadbeat. I’m gonna cave the walls of your uterus in and make you beg for mercy, you beak sniffing, tablet munching stink bomb. Get up them f*****g stairs NOW, you baggy arseholed beaver or I’ll bend my cock up your winking brown eye without any Vaseline or spit” She wobbled up the stairs immediately and ran straight into the bedroom, switching on the light as she went.
The fat redhead sat on the edge of the bed with her hands on her chubby knees. She seemed to be sobering up a bit now and was more mellow and less of an annoying, loud mouthed wanler as she was before (although still stomach turningly nauseating). I sat down next to her and put my hand on her thigh and gently rubbed it up and down. It was all soft, squishy and wobbly like a fat, pale flesh coloured jelly. My belly starting doing forward rolls and cartwheels and I could feel the contents of my stomach waiting to come up my windpipe and spew all over her threadbare cord carpet. At that moment I just wanted to go home and go to sleep, to forget about the whole night and just act like it never happened. I was about to do just that when all of a sudden my penis shouted “you’re a little homo and you fancy boys bums. If you don’t shag this fat tank then you’re deffo a quegg, you’re deffo a filthy little quilt”. I couldn’t have my manhood called into question like that, especially not by a little nob like him, so I stayed. Believe me, when your cock speaks you have to f*****g listen to him, there is no disobeying the little Caucasian pepperami. I was thinking with the wrong head. I thought “if I’m gonna do this at all then I’m gonna do it f*****g properly, I’m going to go hell for f*****g leather on this bitch’s arse”, and regrettably I did. I spared no expense whatsoever and lost all my loosely maintained inhibitions, pumping that pregnant pussy like there was no twattin tomorrow.
I made my move, leaning over and putting my hand on her shoulder. She turned her meathead towards me and leaned her fat face into mine, bringing her lips into contact with my own. She started to what can only be described as “neck the f*****g face off me”, not giving me a chance to breathe as she covered half my head with her slimy noise hole. Her tongue rolled around and around in my mouth in a clockwise direction and I could feel all the veins and lumps in her dry and smelly tongue. I could taste her halitosis breath as we necked like f*****g wools in a theme park, trying to hold my own breath so as to lessen the effect of the dense smog passing from her grid into mine. Her eyes were closed and she was loving it, mine were wide open looking at her ginger eyebrows close up, trying desperately not to pyeng down her gullet. Her mouth was starting to slide half way across my mush, almost soaking my ear with her vinegar smelling saliva (that smell that you get when you lick your hand and smell it). I wanted to stop kissing her so badly that I pretended to cough just to break it up. I pushed her down onto her back and leaned over her like a smutty rapist, breathing heavily and looking into her fat eyes. I’d had enough of the childish necking and so made a grab for her chubbers. I put my hand up her top and slipped it inside her sports bra, grabbing a handful of saggy man boob. Fat birds always disappoint me because I expect them to have massive tagues that are in proportion to their morbid gut, but they are always just little pointy things that sit off on their hairy chests. Their belly sticks out more than their floppers for fucks sake. They were just little lumps of dough that had those big horrible red nipples, a few pubes around the little circle of tít pimples, and lots of blue varacous veins. I couldn’t believe it. The only positive thing I expect from a fatty is for her to have big giant whoppers, but no, she couldn’t even do that right. She had to have little devious, deceitful and very misleading vinegar títs. It’s f*****g false advertising in my opinion. If they’re fat then they give out the impression that their love bags are also fat (and it’s only logical to think this as a man), but they’re not, they’re just little saggy beanbags that look like fat pecs. I started to massage her little jam doughnuts in an anti clockwise direction, tweaking the nipples with my thumb and forefinger every so often to add a bit of variety. She started to breath heavier and gave out little moans and groans of excited pleasure (I thought it was her stomach rumbling at first), but I said “why the f**k are you acting like you’re enjoying me rubbing your water balloons? You know that it does f**k all and that you get no pleasure from it whatsoever, so f*****g pack it in you carrot topped gasbag”. I pulled her top off over her giant head, stretching the neck hole as I did so. She just lay there like a sack of King Eddie’s spuds, looking at me observantly, wondering what the f**k I was going to do next. I closed my eyes and went in for the tít sucking routine. I lowered my head towards her witch tít and put the red nipple in my mouth, darting my tongue in and out quickly to make it interesting. Her funbag tasted like Paxo stuffing and I could feel one of her brownish nipple hairs tickling my upper lip. She didn’t really seem to be enjoying it very much so I decided to jib it, seeing as though it gives the man absolutely no pleasure whatsoever anyway. What’s the point of foreplay anyway? Foreplay is a f*****g selfish idea anyway, designed to excite the woman and make her feel good etc, while the man works his bollocks of to please her. Where is the benefit of foreplay to the man? Because getting your cock sucked is definitely not foreplay, that’s the main f*****g event as far as I’m concerned. Girls kissing my neck and rubbing my chest is of no interest to me, I just want them to suck the white gear out of my ballsack, or create an air tight cavity by squeezing my hotrod up their sweaty quim. Foreplay was probably an idea dreamed up by feminist lesbians with pierced eyebrows, in order to heighten the woman’s enjoyment with a direct correlation to decreasing the man’s. Its equal rights gone mad, political correctness gone berserk and women getting too big for their own f*****g boots. I say f**k the woman’s orgasm, who gives a f**k? Let them worry about that themselves, why should we worry about something that has no discernable benefits for ourselves? If they want an orgasm they can flick the runner bean when we’ve gone to sleep, the f*****g thoughtless and selfish, insensitive bastards. But seeing as though I was gonna do the job properly I decided that I give her a little bit of oral pleasure. I was gonna kiss the rotten sardine, lick the prawn cocktail starter and eat out at the Red Lobster for dinner. Mmmm, skanky smelling pissfish for breakfast, there’s nothing better than a ginger pube butty as a good snack is there?
I pulled her green Kappa tracky bottoms and her skiddy knickers down to her flabby ankles and then had a bit of trouble getting them off over her leather Chelsea boots, but I managed it in the end. I held my breath and went in for the kill; moistening my lips as I went, in order to then moisten her bacon fries looking lips soon after. She stunk of cockles and her dirty clit looked like a cockle as well, a small browny black budgie claw that was pungent and abysmal. It was hidden beneath a 70’s style porno bush that looked like a ginger Brillo pad, all wiry like fishing wire. It looked like a cheap scouring pad glued onto her vaggie, a rusted wire mesh creation that was sickening and obscene. Up close it looked a bit like Gordon Strachan with a beard, no teeth and overpowering crab stick breath, but it wasn’t quirky and funny at all, just dismal. I licked her lips for a good 15 minutes, sliding my tensed up tongue up her hollow hole and nibbling on her clitoris like it was a little ginger peanut. It was an oval opening of repellent odours, a gummy mouth with f*****g terrible hairy breath. My jaw started hurting and my lips had gone numb from repeating the same monotonous motions over and over for a quarter of an hour. I thought I’d never eat shellfish again after this, but I was wrong, I love to plate filthy fanny’s too much to give it up for good, it was just a knee jerk reaction. She was moaning with ecstasy as I necked the f*****g box off her, screaming with delight and scratching my head with her dirty fingernails. Her pubes were tickling my nose and almost making me sneeze, but I carried on like a real trooper. Around the actual opening of her tube it was quite stubbly, like a five o’clock shadow or a teenager’s scruffy, undeveloped muzzy (this is where she had gotten the clippers out for a bit of a number nought skinhead I think). I was still fully clothed while doing this, so it must have seemed a bit strange for her to be lying there stark bollock naked and me still with my hat, coat and gloves on, but f**k what she thought, I hated her f*****g guts.
I got very bored of eating out her stinking, sewer smelling sex crack, so I thought it was time for my turn. She had been given enough pleasure for now, so it was my time to feel jubilant, my time for a bit of oral pleasure. I pulled down my kecks, grabbed hold of my fat love piece and said romantically “eat that fleshy cock; eat it all hungrily you dirty horror bag. Force it down your gullet you cock eating whore faced scrubber. Slobber all over it and suck the f*****g root off me now”. She duly obliged and gobbled my cock like it was a giant liver sausage; she thought it was breakfast come early for her fat, white obese stomach. She sucked and munched on my penile erection for about ten minutes and then suddenly stopped, looked up at me with her gozzy eye and whispered “talk dirty to me, treat me like a filthy dog in the street lad”. I wasn’t gonna pass up this golden opportunity to dole out a little bit more abuse to the overweight retard, so I looked at her straight in the eyes and roared “smoke my penis as though it’s a big fat Cuban cigar, take a big pull, suck him dry you cocksucking filth monger. Lick the cheese off his bulbous head and polish the tip, tell me you enjoy it or I’ll pick you up over my head and throw you violently at the wall”. I think she meant something more along the lines of calling her a “naughty girl” or a “a filthy bitch”, but f**k it, she got what she deserved, what she was f*****g worth. “Spit your saliva on my balls and suck it off so it feels quite lovely. Swallow my whole chicken drumstick and give yourself a pube muzzy, smell my pubic area in the process you f*****g slutty gobbler”, I was starting to enjoy myself at last, coming into my element at just the right time. Getting your banana sucked is a pleasurable experience no matter who it is doing it (except another man of course, or your ma), but I just couldn’t get past the fact that I was getting deep throat off an ugly Paul Scholes look-alike (but with shorter hair and a hairier plum sack). I decided to get her to do something unusual, so I made an innocent request. I asked “Can you please now lick the area in between my scrogg and my arsehole; I like to call it my barse. Lick it with your tongue and sniff my sweaty meatballs in the process. I’m not hating this experience at the moment, but don’t spoil it by not doing as I f*****g tell you to. Neck my f*****g arsehole or I’ll beat you up badly, I’ll really beat on you, you fat selfish gashead”. She did as she was told and gave my underside a bit of a spammy. It was enjoyable for about 20 seconds until I heard the slopping noises of her fat, smelly mouth. I rammed it back into her windpipe instead. My shaft almost went completely limp biscuit a couple of times during the gobble and I had to take it out of her mouth and smack her on the forehead with it a few times just to bring him back to life. He was falling asleep with the boredom and needed something with a bit more action to wake him up properly. He needed to get himself some sexual penetration to sort his head out, and he needed it f*****g fast.
I whipped off the rest of my clobber to reveal my unbelievable body to the cock fiend, my rippling six pack and perfect pecs were a sight to behold, and she was gonna get some hot thrusting shagfucking from me, she was a very lucky yet hideous looking nobend. I grabbed her flabby wide hips with both hands and pulled her towards my penis pillar. I parted her chubby bacon rashers and slowly fed her the whole length of my erratic erection, adding a little brute force at the end just to ram the big fella home. She was gonna get some crazy coitus, some chaotic copulation to remember me by that was for sure. She looked a little nervous so I told her to “just close your eyes and imagine it’s your arl fella smashing your ma’s pork scratching all over the bedroom. You’ll enjoy it more that way, I promise you”. She seemed shocked by the suggestion but never actually said anything to me, so I assumed she didn’t mind the disturbing advice. I continued to plough my anorexic Cumberland deep into her hairy furrow, ramming it up her warm and slimy penis receptacle with a thug like force. She looked to be in a bit of pain but it wasn’t her who nearly snapped her banjo when the cock slipped out and then missed the hole on the way back in was it? It wasn’t her who nearly snapped her flesh bat in f*****g half was it? No it f*****g wasn’t. She had one of them red and sore looking fanny’s, like all ginger slags probably have. A beaver that looked like it had been punched all over the place during some domestic violence. But I quite liked it in the end. It made my penis feel enriched and special. He was enjoying his time on the nest and was hungry for some more.
I wanted to change position now, to make her lazy bulk do some of the work, so I told her to get her flumpy arse on top (but not to crush me with her stoutly frame). I told the baggy boxed bastard to “ride my warm erection, ride his big head and make him feel decent. Make him want to spit sticky white gear out the top of his weird shaped bullhead you slobby mess”. She sat astride my tower of sexual pleasuredom and loved it immensely, squealing like a fat pig and dripping sloppy pussy juice all over my love plums. She was just a big sweaty, copper topped dickhead giving my berserk sex bone some proper welly. My delirious d**k was having the time of his little life, giving it the bifters for England; he was a little star in his own right. My demented, dildo shaped
appendage was on cruise control, pounding away at the loose, greasy lips of a disgusting lard arsed bellwhiff. The slapping noises were getting louder, her fat cheeks spanking my upper thighs with excitement. Her foul, stench ridden plughole (lubricated with fish oil love grease) was swallowing my pecker hungrily, like it was an all you can eat buffet. I was just lying there with my eyes closed, desperately trying to picture someone who was even remotely attractive to my tastes. I was just trying to keep the little fella hard, making sure he got what he came for. My mind was already at home tucked up in bed, but the love carrot was just trying to get the job finished, so he could return home to join me. She started to rock back and forth, attempting to be sexy but failing miserably. Her fat, wrinkled and overweight midriff was wobbling from side to side hypnotically, almost brainwashing my senses. It would have been beautiful if it wasn’t the most revolting sight on planet earth. My green stomach bile was getting ready for a day trip; it was ready to go sight seeing around her bedroom floor. I suddenly baulked and was ready to spew some vomit all over her disappointing tagues, my eyes heavily watering, blurring my vision (which could only be a f*****g good thing). I pushed her flaccid and out of condition body backwards onto the foot of the bed. I needed a break from this hell, I needed to compose myself and gather my faltering senses. I went to the repellent bathroom to swill my face and have a little bit of sick into the shít stained bog. I seriously considered walking straight out of the house and going home to just have a wánk, but something kept me there, some unusual force wouldn’t let me leave (it was her, the fat t**t holding my hand like a f*****g clamp, she wouldn’t leave me alone or let me out of her sight). I was trapped, I would have to go back in and finish my work, my punishment for being horny in the first place.
I had to just remain focused and block her face from my mind. There was only one way to get rid of her disfigured face, and that was to shag her right up the f*****g arse, roughly and violently from behind. I followed her back into the bedroom (trying not to look at her pasty looking legs or flabby, hairy back). She grabbed my hand and started to gently pull me onto the bed to continue our depressing intercourse. I said “what the f**k are you doing you hefty mong? Get your corpulent arse bent over the edge of that bed because I’m going to defile your dirty plop hole for a while”. She looked reluctant, but my clenched fist and serious looking stare put paid to any hesitation, and she lay face forward on the bed (with her knees on the floor). If I was gonna spew my load that night, I was gonna do it as a result of having my d**k up her anal pipe work. I grabbed two handfuls of pale, greyish arse flesh and pulled it to either side of her chocolate coloured sheriffs’ badge. I saw that insulting brown area that surrounds the arsehole of unsightly birds, the rusty looking discolouration that can sometimes make your eyes feel deeply offended. She had ginger arse hairs all around her forbidden hole and I just imagined them to smell like shite, filthy arse fluff with dried on shite. It made me feel sick but I continued anyway. I was worried that her chunky arse would be too fat for me to get my hotrod all the way in, for me to slip her the full benefit of an inverted shít, the full pleasure of my loony length. I needn’t have been concerned; it slid up there like a treat, a big fat meat treat. I continued with the dirty talk and hinted “guide my penis pipe into your tight shít funnel; put it all inside your body, slot it right up the large intestine you scruffy bastard”. She did the reach behind and grabbed hold of the pork lunacy, and shoved it right up her stinkin sphincter, moaning with pain as it went up dryly. I was walloping the small hole that had disgusting shít breath and no teeth, a goofy arse tube with halitosis. Why is it that girls arse holes really appeal to you when you’re horned up and dying for a shag, but when you’ve finished it’s just a tight hose that skanky woman poo is squeezed out of? Anyway, I was banging frantically at the old dirt track, I started doing it rough like a rape scene from a film (short hard thrusts that make their heads move dead fast up and down, and makes their ring piece feel abused). I shouted angrily “Who’s gonna help you now eh? Who’s gonna help get this beast of a cock out of your turd tunnel? Nobody that’s the f*****g answer. Push back hard so it makes some squishy noises you wanler, push back so it goes in dead far up. I enjoy the way your arse makes my sex piece feel exuberant, he feels privileged and thanks your anus for its hospitality”. My little dynamo d**k was the bane of her pain, and I was relishing the bum fun I was dishing out to the fat welt. She said that her knees were starting to hurt, so I sighed and ordered her to “bend over the dressing table please, cos I’m going to do a run up and hammer my little hard-on right up your fluffy shít door. Spread them wide darling and prepare for some rectal rape sensations”. I f*****g wellied the arse off her and had her screaming with pleasure/pain (I didn’t care), and was rhythmically telling her to “shut your scran pipe” as I smashed each violent stroke home. I was coming very close to the money shot and so pulled my cock out of her plop chute and told her to turn onto her back. I roared “do you mind if I spray some white gunk all over your bushy pubes? It’s only from my scrogg; it’ll be sound as a pound love. You’ll have rock hard pyabs for a bit but it’ll be well worth the effort you disgustingly smelly trampoline”. She stayed silent so I just exploded my walnut bag all over her retarded stomach folds and all over her ginger Brillo pad. As soon as the white gear came out of my tightened ball sack I felt depressed and dirty.
She lay there with drying love sponk all over her naked mess of a body, with a big satisfied smile on her face. I sat there with my head in my hands nearly crying at what I’d done. How could I have gone through with this? Why did I even consider it at all? At that moment in time I wouldn’t have cared if I never got to scragg another bird in my entire life, I just wanted to be happy again. I felt filthy and just wanted to jump in the shower and wash the whole experience away, to rid my flesh of this blobby, overweight, under-conditioned excuse for a human being. She started talking to me again. Oh God how I wished she wouldn’t bore me and angry me with her pointless drivel. I wanted her to go away, to leave me in peace with my suicidal tendencies and psychotic thoughts. I just stood up, put on my clothes and said “I’m going home now. Don’t even speak to me you annoying gobshite, just stay where you are and shut the f**k up. I’m leaving right now and never coming back to this miserable, wretched shít hole for as long as I ‘live’, so take one last look at the lad you aren’t even close to being good enough for”. She started crying pitiful tears onto her beef burger funbags in an attempt to make me feel guilty. I told her to “lose some weight and have a bit of f*****g pride, you smelly, hairy grease ball”. I walked out of the bedroom and slammed the door as I did so. I got a taxi home and cried myself to sleep with depression. I woke up the next day with a stonking big rod on and thought “If that beast was lying next to me now I’d shag the living daylights out of her”. How quickly my desires had changed. I’d f*****g shag anything at any time; it’s just the way I am. I’ll regret it for a few hours, but the morning brings new optimism and new found happiness.
It all most had the same interesting plot as Napoleon Dynamite.. Awesome film.. you should watch it..!